#24 Giving up being right, even when I know I am, is my fast track to peace and calm (Part II)


#24 Giving up being right, even when I know I am, is my fast track to peace and calm (from) 49 Life Lessons it took me 50 years to learn

Just to recap, this is Part II in a Trilogy of Life Lessons (#23, #24 and #25) which all have a common denominator.  And that is the principle of ‘right’ and how subconsciously the human need to be right (survive) drives our thoughts and actions.

If you haven’t read Life Lesson #23 I can be right or I can have a loving relationship. I can’t have both (Part I), click on the title for a quick catch up.  Go on, we’ll wait while you read it.

Ok, let’s go…

When you begin to recognise the difference between being upset (angry, sad, jealous, annoyed, frustrated, etc.) and being calm and peaceful (there is often a physical feeling that goes with these that you’ll notice in your body too), and that you have the power to flip from one state to the other instantaneously, if you choose to, is a great place to start to bring your awareness to, for this Life Lesson.

We’ve already established that you can be right OR you can have a loving relationship but the next part of this process is to begin to apply giving up being right, even when you know you are, everywhere in your life.

Essentially, what this means is that you are giving up judgement of how the world is supposed to look (to you).

Let me explain.

Recently I witnessed someone ask the question “What’s with tattoos? I don’t get it. Why would you want one?”

What ensued was a colourful debate over whether having tattoos was right or wrong (according to each individual).

Now I have many tattoos.  One of my sisters does not. In fact I have many friends with tattoos and many friends without them.

So I could have easily jumped onto the debate to express why I thought they were awesome.  And my sister, well, her view is completely the opposite, which she may also have chosen to express.  So which is right and which is wrong?

The answer is neither. Or both.

You see the upset occurs for us when we feel we have to prove our position on a matter, and the feelings associated with that will often flare up even further, when the other person/parties do/do not share our opinion.

Think of a something that you wholeheartedly believe in?

Perhaps it is a religious belief.

Or a political belief.

A belief on abortion.

Or how to parent.

Maybe it’s around a way of nourishing your body.

Perhaps it’s to do with business.

It doesn’t matter but we all have our own ‘ways of being’ in this world (and they are not our own, they have been handed to us through our parents, environment, teachers, friends etc – but this is another Life Lesson for later).

This Life Lesson is not asking or suggesting that you give up your beliefs.  It simply suggests that you give up the need to be right about them (even when you know you are).

Because here is what I know for sure, when you can be right about your place, space and beliefs in the world. And you can be accepting that the person standing next to you (including your loved ones) may not share your opinions but they are also right about their place, space and beliefs in the world, then you are on a pathway to complete peace and calm.

Now imagine a world filled with calm and peaceful people, standing side by side and all accepting of each other.

And before you begin to think that it’s just not possible. If you think that one person cannot change the world, I ask you to remember Gandhi.

I believe that the world collectively will change when we begin being responsible for our own changes.

And I am completely calm and peaceful if you do not agree with me.

Keep an eye out next week for the final chapter, #25 Giving up being right, even when I know I am, does not make me a pushover or a door mat (this one is Part III and vital to fully understanding Part I and Part II).

Jen x

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