#23 I can be right or I can have a loving relationship, I can’t have it both ways (from) 49 Life Lessons it took me 50 years to learn
Life Lesson #23, #24 and #25 are a trilogy of Life Lessons. A Part I, Part II and Part III, a bit like “Lord of the Rings” but in this case, you’ll not have to wade through hundreds and hundreds of pages or sit through hours and hours of film before you find the nugget of gold!
So the common denominator in the next three Life Lessons is the word ‘right’.
#23 I can be right or I can have a loving relationship. I can’t have both.
#24 Giving up being right, even when I know I am, is my fast track to peace and calm.
#25 Giving up being right, even when I know I am, does not make me a pushover or a door mat.
The concept of right and wrong is a survival mechanism for our humanness. For example, if Joe Bloggs, is asked to create an event and he is to ensure that 30 people attend and only ten people turn up, we blame Joe. But if ‘we’ are Joe, we will blame the situation, the date, the time, the weather etc. And this isn’t about failing. It’s about how, as humans, we don’t like to be wrong. Flip that and you’ll see how important it is, for humans, to be right.
Let’s look at another situation.
Have you ever had a fight with a loved one? Partner, parent, child, sibling, bestie?
Silly question. We all have!
And, let’s face it, we don’t argue about anything unless we truly believe we are 100%……. right! right?!?
Now if you believe you are right and the other person believes they are right, where does that end?
So maybe this is a better question. How long have you ‘not spoken’ to someone after an argument? Because, dammit, you were right! And they were wrong!
What I can tell you is this. Whether it is an hour or a lifetime, in that time, the one thing that is not present, is love.
So how long are you prepared to be right? And how long are you prepared to forsake love?
Time may be infinite (apparently according to the sciencey dudes) but OUR time is not.
So think about it. All that time that you have ‘not spoken to them’… NEWSFLASH! you don’t get it back!
NEWSFLASH! you don’t get it back!
And here’s another NEWSFLASH. While you are waiting for an apology, that is also time where love is not present and time you cannot get back.
You can be right OR you can have a loving relationship.
BUT YOU CAN’T HAVE BOTH!
Part II Life Lesson #24 Giving up being right, even when I know I am, is my fast track to peace and calm, is the next step. And I’ll by sharing that with you next week.
In the meantime, consider this quote:
“Arguing isn’t communication, it’s noise” (Tony Gaskins)